Passages
Saturday, April 12th, 2008
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I’ve never liked the term “passing away,” perhaps because it’s euphemistic or … I don’t know. I’ve just never liked the way it sounds. But this week, as my grandmother has been lying in a semi-conscious haze, close to death, I’ve taken comfort in the idea of a passage. That is, I like to think that she’s not passing away but rather passing through. I imagine that she’s going through a tunnel.
Much as we come into this world through a birth canal, I choose to believe that she’s working her way down a “death canal.” And that somehow makes the idea more palatable. Death is about stopping: 止. It’s about going no farther. But if she’s in a passage, then she’s still moving along, still headed somewhere, possibly floating on waves of hallucinations. Maybe it’s a trippy kind of trip, a kaleidoscope of images from a long life. She might be seeing the faces of people she loved, people who “passed through” before.
All week, I’ve visualized this kanji:
通
It means “to pass.” Not “pass away” but “pass through.” I’ve always had an uneasy relationship with this character, never knowing quite how to read it. The on-yomi can be either TSŪ or TSU, and the kun-yomi can be tō(ru), to(su), or even kayo(u). But just this week, I’ve developed a fondness for this kanji.
It even looks like a tunnel at its core:
用
The top, マ, strikes me as an ornamental crest that dresses up the tunnel. The movement radical 
indicates progress through that tunnel. And the main part, 用, well, that’s an opening, 冂, with bars that close the tunnel to the rest of us until our time comes. When it does, the bars lift briefly, admit one, and swiftly shut again.
The following links represent more passageways. Choose your destination carefully. The first three “doors” will take you farther into kanji-land. And the fourth meanders down memory lane with only the faintest sprinkling of kanji. If you have no interest in hearing more about death, elderly relatives, and personal memories, it might be best to leave that fourth door bolted. (Of course, you’ll miss photos of some hot girls in swimsuits!)
The Real Meaning of the Components …
A Passage to Words About Passages ..
And now it’s time for today’s Verbal Logic Quiz. I feel a little guilty, presenting you with a game when there’s death in the air. But what good does it do to abstain from playing whenever it’s possible to play? Life is about moving on … about passing through one event to the next. So … let the games begin!
Posted by Eve Kushner in Kanji Curiosity |
April 12th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
This touched my heart.
April 12th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
Your words so private, so personal, and feelings so universal as many of us struggle with death of loved ones. I will save your piece to contemplate and work through not just Aunt Rose, but similar times that will surely come into my life. You offer peace in a most logical way.
April 13th, 2008 at 1:36 am
This blog was really touching.
I’m really sorry to hear that, but the idea of “passage” may be really helpful to understand one of the most difficult things in life.
I’ve always heard about people who can represent moments of their lives with a certain song. Yet I’m amazed to see how greatly you can represent so many “moments” with pictures and images.
I really hope you are ok.
My best wishes.
April 14th, 2008 at 8:27 am
Thanks so much for these extremely supportive, warm responses. They in turn touch me!
I felt a bit nervous about laying this much of myself bare. But the responses posted above, as well as others that I’ve received privately, have been incredibly reassuring. They put the sense of a network back in the word “Internet.”
As to João Paulo’s observation about songs, I’m always amazed by how compactly people can represent complicated feelings and relationships in lyrics. Last night I heard a great one: “You’re like an office park / Corporate and cold.” Wow, if that doesn’t say it all! Wish I knew how to paint such a vivid picture in so few words!
Anyway, thanks again for engaging with what I wrote. That means everything to me.
April 16th, 2008 at 3:57 am
I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother.Your report went straight into my heart. If you would like someone to talk to or listen to you, please don’t hesitate to call me.
Katerina
April 16th, 2008 at 4:46 am
Thanks so much! That’s really very sweet. :–)
April 19th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Thank you, Eve, for sharing some of yourself and your memories. Your thoughts and photos are touching.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Kelly
April 20th, 2008 at 2:33 am
Thanks, Kelly! I appreciate your words.
April 30th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
Update: My grandmother successfully passed through to the other side in the first few minutes of April 30. The passage is now complete.